New Year's Resolutions

I feel so clunky when I attempt to write my blog these days. I'm rusty. It's too bad because there are so many experiences and feelings that can't find the connection between my head and my typing fingers. 2011 had some good and bad. I'll start with the bad first:

BAD
1. Finding out Christian needed multiple therapies and wondering how he'll progress and grow. Comparing him to other kids his age. Worrying over him.

2. Switching Nicky's first grade classes five weeks into the school year. I can't think of a worse scene than the one that took place in the Principal's office. Two crying teachers = me feeling like a heel and marked woman at the school for months.

3. The continued rift with my older sister (going on its seventh year.)

4. Hurt feelings over various social situations.

5. Watching Jeff suffer with his job on occasions. His career is not an easy one.


GOOD

1. Meeting and making friends with Christian's therapists. Watching him meet his goals. Laughing when he tries to run. He looks like he's stepping on hot coals. He's so gimpy but has the biggest grin. We call him "Twinkle Toes." I love the way he calls for his binky by saying, "mmmm mmmm, YA!!" I love the way he gets up to my face and makes kissing sounds but doesn't touch my skin with his lips. I could go on and on about this one. Perfection has come to me in an imperfect package.

2. Losing 20+ pounds and running again.

3. Trip to Costa Rica. Trip to Bear Lake and reunion with my family in Utah. The big hug I gave to my mom in August.

4. Watching my kids grow and taking part in their molding. I loved my afternoons watching Star Wars and taking naps with Andy. I love doing math and reading with Nicky and watching her play piano at her first recital. My favorite thing is reading scriptures to them and teaching them to love the stories like I do. I LOVE being a mom. I couldn't have imagined up a better role for me.

5. Hanging out in the back yard this summer. We got a new trampoline, Jeff's garden gave me more tomatoes than I could eat, and I learned all sorts of new tricks on the grill.

So there you have it...the good coupled with the bad...just as life was meant to be.

My goal this year is to stop caring what other people think of me (and stop making up what other people think). I want to let myself be who I am and be at peace with it. I want to run a half marathon. I want to yell less at my kids and teach more. I want to love more people without waiting for reciprocation. I want to be more patient.

All goals so general but hopefully obtainable.