I used to love writing about my babies and toddlers. Everything simple thing they did or new thing they learned seemed magical. Last night I thought, I sure miss writing about my babies! I'm left with irritating teenagers as my only muse.
Then I thought about how being a teenager is such a unique, magical, and horrifying time. What if it was every bit as fun to write about as it was to write about the toddlers. So I'm trying it out.
When I was in high school, I thought that the cheerleaders had it ALL! They were popular, pretty, well-dressed, athletic, and the list went on and on.... If I'd been a cheerleader, my teenager years would have been filled with all the promised one-in-a-lifetime fun I'd seen my older sister who was a cheerleader enjoy. I was never a cheerleader and I was sure that was why I was the unpopular moody frog I became during those years and why high school years were pretty much the worst of my life!
When Nicky wanted to be a cheerleader in 6th grade, I was all in. She is much more petite than I ever was and was always chosen as the flyer. I thought she'd have it made if only she could be a cheerleader in high school!
She's 16 now and on the varsity team. She's pretty and blond and a flyer! I wonder how other girls see her cuz I know how she sees herself. When she's not being an ever-loving-witch to me, she's crying about not having enough friends and hating her personality. When she screams, "I hate you!" and I'm in a good mental place, I know she's really just yelling that she hates herself. She hates her homework, social pressures, and not feeling good enough. She hates that she has to do homework all the time to get her straight As. She doesn't feel popular and she doesn't even want to date let alone have a boyfriend. She is in her junior year working on making sure her perfect grades stay perfect, studying for the ACT/SAT, and trying decide where she wants to go and what she wants to do when school is over in two years. It's a big helping of crazy times!
She asked me not to go to her first two football games because she's a twit. She explained it's because my mere existence is embarrassing. Nevermind I foot the bill for that adorable white uniform, the tumbling classes, and every other want and desire. It really sucks to sit at home. I decided I'm going to show up next time. It's a free country and I never get these moments back.
Even though I embarrass her, she makes me so proud. Look how beautiful she is! I got these pictures from some other mom who didn't listen to her daughter and went to the game anyway (taking a page from her book next time).
That's my flyer on the far left!
And this is the close up shot I found on the photographers website. She wasn't smiling so she hates it! I love this picture because it captures my Nicky in all her intensity and angst! She's 16 years old and by golly she's go to cheer with the seriousness of heiling Hitler!
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That was her reaction to the picture. So typical of of a teenager who really just can't find anything good to think about herself. Now I know the truth! Being a cheerleader doesn't make you feel any better about yourself than I did when I wasn't a cheerleader. It's a stage they all must tussle with and they're are going to be scars no matter which door they open or whatever sport they choose!
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