There's pain to be had in comparing. You'd think all of us would learn this at some point. When will I see we're all on a different train on different journeys in this life? No matter how useless comparisons are, I continue to make them. In regards to Christian they aren't helpful. The therapists find them helpful I suppose when they evaluate Christian by comparing him with "normal" children his age. When the Alta regional lady made her 6 month visit yesterday, she asked me if he had any playmates his own size. I realized I've been keeping Christian isolated. The reason is it hurts when he's around an 18 month old who runs and he doesn't. It stings when a child his age says a full understandable sentence and I'm the only one that can understand Christian's few words. On the other hand, I know there are kids who have it worse. So being in a playgroup around the kids with severe handicaps makes me feel guilty for paining over my son because of his delays.So I guess that's why I just keep him all to myself. When its just us two the ankle orthotics and drool are normal and all new developments are exciting because I don't read up on what to expect for his age anymore. Christian can be on his own train when its just us.
I guess this isolating won't work for too much longer because he'll need some little friends. The Alta lady is having me start him in a once a week playgroup/parent participating preschool. We'll have to see how that goes. It's such a blessing that he has all sorts of therapists and resources so that by next year he can be even further along.
In the mean time, my guy had his second birthday. He hated for anyone to mention his birthday, ask how old he was, or sing. He scrunched his little face and jutted out his lower lip. He loved his cake however and the toy garbage truck, complete with little cans. Maybe by next year he'll get why birthdays are nothing to pout about.
7 comments:
Can't believe how much he looks like Andy! You have adorable children and I think deep down inside you know what's best for them.
@ SuburbiaMom...seriously, it makes me feel like having a third boy just so I can have triplet Andys. We have cookie cutter kids for sure.
I'm in a constant battle with myself to stop comparing all the time. I think it's a common weakness. Maybe we are afraid other people are always judging us and our kids, which mostly likely isn't true. Still, it's hard, but it seems like you are doing all the right things.
How awesome that you have such great resources! He is such a darling boy, and I can sense the love and attachment you have to him in your writing.
You are a great Mom. Call me sometime if you ever need to talk. Remember, I had a child with developmental delays & challenges - Sarah! A lot of people didn't know, some people judged, and in the end I think we did a pretty good job :) Seriously, call me!!
I think of all people, I truely can relate to you. Even after 8 years, I still try not to compare Baiely to others. When she turned 18 months, I had the hardest time letting her even go to nusery. At that time I was working 2 days a week, so she went to my friends house. I really think having other children around her was very beneficial, plus it was with people that really loved Bailey. You are doing great, and so is Christian. Every child is perfect, even if they aren't a "cookie cutter". You really need to call me sometime, it would be great to talk!
Hang in there and continue to celebrate his successes. I have kids who are brilliant, maybe even could have skipped a grade and I have kids who struggle academically, one is receiving remediation and who has been through speech therapy. She also attended all day kindergarten when all of her friends were in half day. She noticed too. It's hard not to compare. One of my twins didn't walk until he was 18 months. And running came much later. It was hard to not compare him, even to his own twin. He taught me patience and now that we are in school the developmental gap is minimal. He can run faster than most (see there I go comparing). The Lord gave you Christian for a reason. He knew you were the right mom for him.
I understand a lot of these feelings. I HATED being around all those kids saying full sentences when I could count my boys' words on one hand. It was hard not to compare, but in some ways, comparing helped me figure out they had things that needed to be helped, so that's something. Hang in there! It sounds like you've got a good system going and a therapist, so I'm sure you're doing great. It does get better.
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