Oh Kindergarten!!! It's started and brought with it a whirlwind of emotions. Of course going to public school is important socially, so our problems are social. Let's start with Nicky's responses to my questions of how her day went or who she played with.
"I didn't play with anyone outside. I just made a bunny house out of bark at recess."
"Kindergarten is soooo long and I miss you." (This said with mournful, depressed blue eyes that look about to break into tears.)
"I'm just not fun."
"Everyone else seems to be making friends but I have nobody."
I had the worst separation anxiety imaginable in early elementary school and I had no friends that I can remember. At least nobody played with me at recess because I made cat paper dolls to play with by myself on the grass. Imagine how Nicky's early experience hastens past bad memories to mind and inflames my anxiety. It's worse watching Nicky have a bad experience because I love her more than myself and can do less about her problems.
I thought of one thing I could do, invite some of the little people over. Nicky's so shy she refuses to talk to anyone at school so I told her to watch and listen and bring me a name home. It seems so stalkerish. She gave me the name Amy and said she was a cute little girl with a short haircut. Good enough. I felt weird the next morning pacing about, watching the moms, and listening for the name Amy. I heard, "goodbye Amy" from a heavy set Polynesian woman. I went up and introduced myself and told her our shyness plight. Another mom was with her and told me her daughter Allyson is so shy she won't talk either so I invited both girls over and the moms. It all seems so parasitic on Nicky's part. I have to do all the work, so she can have a friend.
Everyone arrived today and I attempted to make chocolate chip cookies with them. It turned out that I made the cookies while the girls loved and sat on Christian. Once cookies were finished, Amy and her mom gathered up an enormous amount of cookies in a paper towel and hurried away. Geez Louise, if she was going to take that many cookies, could she have left her daughter for extra hour as payment so the girls could make friends. My good chocolate chip cookies come with a price. Allyson stayed a bit longer and her mom took one of my ward Labor Day Breakfast flyers so it was a success as a playdate and missionary experience. Ha.
Nicky deemed the playdate a success but asked that next time I only invite one girl over at a time. She's worried that in a threesome, two girls might make friends with each other and leave her out. It didn't happen today, but still she worries.
7 comments:
When Sarah was younger I had to make play dates for her also. You are a good Mom and it's worth it. It does break your heart to see your daughter struggle - we've had a lot of that with Sarah and friends. It does get better.
Give it time. It has only been a week and can easily take a few months. Emma goes through this each time she changes schools (about 4 since preschool) and then also at childcares. It is a hard thing for them but they are likable and even witht he challenges eventually make friends each year. I alwyas tell Emma it takes omre than a few days to create a friendship.
I'd say keep inviting kids over. Play dates are a lot of work, but worth the effort. It is so much easier to choose a good friend for your child when you get to watch them play together. Asha had a hard time in San Diego the first year. All she said was "Why don't I have blond hair and blue eyes like my friends?" and cried. It used to break my heart. I told her all year that she is beautiful and tried to point out her strength. The following year she did a lot better.
And so it begins...
I always felt like Taylor was the third wheel in a group and we have experienced some very hurtful things. It's like you said, it's harder being the mom (with all our wisdom and all...haha) than being the kid. You hate to have your child experience those things. However, something totally amazing has happened. My daughter is in the 3rd grade and all of a sudden those fears and anxieties she had the other years have gone away and she's learned how to deal with new teachers, new friends, and new situations with ease. Well, at least for now, we'll see how it goes when we move. You're doing an amazing job with Nicky. She is so lucky to have a mom who looks out for her and helps her make friends! Luckily, kindergarten is only 3 hours and not full day! We should chat again soon! Hugs to you!
I wish you lived closer, we could have some fun play dates! I think your Nicky would get along with my Beau so well, especially if she had a bearded dragon :)
You're a good mommy, Missy!
The three kids thing IS true.
You are brave. I don't ever want to do it. I hate playdates to the extreme, but I do what I can so my kids can have fun.
Cookie hoarders! that is horrible.
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