I'll preface this day of tears story by saying it has been months in coming. We've lived in our house a year and a half now. It's a beautiful home with a lovely neighborhood. The ward is ok. The schools are great. I just have the same feeling as the day I moved here and that feeling is loneliness. I long for an association or two where I don't need to bring up the weather in a conversation. I wish for a neighbor that I felt comfortable borrowing an egg from.
There's been endless dinner invitations, joy school rotations, visiting teaching, bunko nights, girls' night parties and the like but alas no deep friendships have emerged. I feel like our family could drop off the planet and nobody around here would care except for the attendance lady at school.
I've been dealing with it and I tell myself good friendships take a lot of time, especially for me. I'm not a total extrovert.
But for some reason, the game night sent me into fits of tears today. A new girl moved into our ward 5 months ago and instantly clicked with another girl in the ward. They do girls' nights and couple game nights several times a week. I've had both girls' families over for dinner and other functions and they are both nice. They invited us to one of their game nights but we couldn't come because we couldn't get a babysitter. A few weeks passed and I decided to get some people together to go bowling tomorrow night. We never do fun stuff with other couples so I texted around. One of the girls texted me back and said she's doing her game night tomorrow night so they couldn't come. I found out that's what everyone I invited was doing. I decided not to get offended. so I texted her back and asked if we could join. She said sure but said I'd need a babysitter. I didn't think much of it until I was talking to someone else who goes to the game night. She said "the regulars" bring their kids and put them to bed at the house and they play games into the night. I don't know but something about inviting myself to the game night and then having to get a babysitter when the others just bring their kids to the house set me off. I cried on and off all day. The whole thing is so representative of how I feel in this town. That is, it seems like people don't mind/like when I'm around, but don't care if I'm not there.
It's so stupid too because Jeff and I feel like we played Russian Mafia in college and we're all played up. It's not like we care if we are best friends with them...we just want some friends. If we don't do the games, we're off the radar. I just want a friend I can talk with who gets me. I want a couple friend that wants to get together for some family dinners and maybe a double date once a month. I don't really want to play games with anyone every Friday night. I'm certainly not going to pay a babysitter every Friday to play games either. Argahgh!
And now my vent is done. I really don't want to go tomorrow night :(.
5 comments:
I am so sorry, I totally understand how you feel and you are totally in the right to cry. Isn't it crazy how we marry our best friend but we still long for other friends, people who get us. I remember feeling a lot like this in our wards in Utah and always feeling lonely. It was so hard, and even though I love my ward here, it still doesn't take much to make me feel "lonely"...and I know you had such a wonderful ward here down south and such good friends, it just makes it that much harder. You are such a wonderful person and so fun, you will see, you will find someone or a couple that you guys click with and then you can make fun of the "game nighters". I wish I was there to give you a hug.
We had it good in San Diego, didn't we!
I'm sure there is a good friend/couple friends, nearby, searching for friends like you...
Hang in there! I'm sure there is someone out there looking for you guys just like Kiersten said. I should have Alycia read this blog post. She & Trevor have been in their ward in Utah for almost 18 months and feel the same way. It makes me sad for both of you :(
Ha! I love that everyone bags on Utah :) As a fellow Utahan/former Californian, I'm tempted to agree. But sadly, I think this is a "mormon" problem, not a Utah problem. Why are so many people insensitive to others feelings and needs? I know we talked about this last time we visited and it is getting better for me. I think it will for you too. Hang in there! You are awesome!
Ugh. That is really frustrating. I felt a LOT the same way when I moved here, for a long time. At this point, I have kind of given up on really close friends--I don't know if they really exist here--and I've been reconnecting with my old ones. I have to remember that it took about 4 years to find my REALLY good friends in MD, so you just never know who will suddenly show up and be the right fit for you. I try not to force anything and just be patient and try not to care. But it's hard. Good luck.
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