I've Got Both of YOu

Nicky gets a kick out of it when I hold her and Andy at the same time. She laughs and in her cute way of confusing her pronouns, she says, “I got both of you.” Whenever I’m holding them like that it hits hard how lucky I am to have them. It seems like yesterday that Jeff and I were sitting in doctors’ offices where we were given dire predictions about future children. I remember some of my lowest days back then wondering what my babies would look like but thinking that I might never know. My heart would ache and I wanted to somehow reach into Heaven and grab them down. It is so strange how entitled I felt to “my” babies as if it was an absolute in the universe and that God somehow owed me this blessing.

I remember the intensity of my prayers back then but I also remember knowing that not every blessing is given to every person. It was quite a learning experience and I grew up so much.

Seeing these children and hearing them now is so surreal and wonderful. In my joy, I want to memorize every day and every little look and smile they give me. I only prayed for one baby but miraculously enough, two came along. It feels like I had a pray for one, get one free deal. I am so glad I got that deal! They are both my little angels and have expanded my heart with so much love.

One of my favorite songs is, “The Lord is My Shepherd.” I love the line, “In the midst of affliction, my table is spread. With blessings unmeasured, my cup runneth over.” When I am holding 50 lbs of “both of you,” I feel the words of this song in my heart so literally. I am not sure why my prayers were answered how I wanted and others are not so fortunate. The trial of infertility is so real for so many. I feel so much compassion for those who struggle. It is so difficult. I am so grateful that God taught me a great lesson of patience and faith and gave me the gift of being the mother of two of his wonderful little people.