Anyway, it is annoying to show our home because it is pain to clean and then most of the people don't qualify even if they are interested. Nicky and her friend Reagan pulled out every toy in the house during their playdate yesterday so I spent at least three hours sorting through toys. When Andy woke from his nap he wanted to watch the Polar Express. I turned it on because I needed time to clean. Nicky came in and said she wanted to watch Space Buddies. Normally she gets her way because she throws fits when she doesn't and Andy doesn't generally care what is on the tube as long as he gets to watch. I decided today that letting Nicky get her way all the time is not doing anyone any favors. I told her it was Andy's turn to choose the movie and she could watch hers later. A giant tantrum ensued. I told her to take herself and her tears in her bedroom. After listening to loud wails and protests for ten minutes, I'd had enough. I went in, knelt down, looked her in the eye and said the following:
"Nicky! You are acting spoiled. It is ok to let Andy have a turn to watch something he chooses. Princesses share. In fact they help their mommies around the castle because they want it to look beautiful. Cinderella did all the house cleaning and she did it sweetly. You are the princess around here because your the prettiest. I'm too old. So you have a choice. You can sit in your room and act spoiled and ugly or you can come out and help me sort laundry and be a princess."
She listened and then she kept crying. I left. Ten minutes later she was tired of being spoiled and ugly and came out and sorted socks, put clothes in the drawers, washed the table and chairs, and helped me with the dishes. She finished each task and then grabbed my hand and asked for another assignment. While she worked she continued to ask when Andy's movie was over but she waited semi-patiently.
This might seem like a no-brainer for most but it was a breakthrough for me. Nothing I say seems to get through to her. I was in tears just yesterday because I feel like there are so many breakdowns and tantrums. 75% of it is because of sickness and daylight savings time, but still...she's almost four. My weakness is that I want to be the nice mom. I don't want to hurt feelings and I don't like hearing her cry because it's loud and miserable. I've decided from now on I'm going to tell it to her like it is. If she's acting like a brat, I'm going to respectfully say so. I think she's old enough to know.
6 comments:
that was AWESOME! i could not think of something like that on a flip of a dime. well Kalei told me yesterday as i gave her an extra chore to do (cuz she couldn't obey and do the 1st one) that she was going to turn back into a baby cuz I don't listen or do anything she says. which she said that when she asks me to clean my room and pick up my toys I dont...i asked her how she was going to turn back into a baby and she said she has to think about it! the things kids say! nicky cracks me up!
I wish I have had the wit to say something I like that to Asha when she was that age. Good for you.
My mom told me that she has seen great kids come from both families of nice parents and strict parents. The only difference is that the nice parents had to work a lot harder because the kids constantly pushed the limits. I thought that was interesting.
I think that what you did was awesome. I love that the light turned on for her because of the princess card...I am going to use that with Dallin, although his will have to be a Jedi or some super hero, but still, I think that is great. These nearly 4 year olds really know how to push our buttons...there as some days (well at least part of each day) where I just want to run out of the house screaming, and then not come back for a while. But then there are the sweet moments, which I cherish. Motherhood is hard, but you are doing awesome!
I am glad I am not the only one stuggling with their 3 year old! It seems so much easier to just give in, then to deal with the other alternative. I keep hoping that 4 is going to be the magic age of goodness :)
Love the princess lecture! Gotta use that one on mine!
Oh tantrums. I hate them. I love when that creative moment just comes and it really clicks with the kids. It happens too rarely for me. I've been dealing with 2-hour long Ethan tantrums because of all this change. Ugh.
I hear you on keeping the house clean during showings. Seriously, we only did it for 3 days and I almost killed everyone I know. And I hate having nowhere to go. Sometimes I just drove around.
Good luck with everythign!
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