Monday, October 19, 2009
Ho Hum...When are You Coming Home?
Having experienced this premature birth thing before has helped...but yet I still find myself sad. I tell myself I'm lucky that the baby will most likely be ok and coming home soon. I try to think of parents who lose their children and I tell myself I'm better off. Last week it was a little nice for someone else to take care of baby while I tried to pull myself together after the c-section. But now I am tired of people saying, "it must be nice to be able to recover while the baby is in the hospital." I long for him to be near me every second. I get exhausted making one daily trip over to the hospital and the time seems to go so fast. Yesterday I changed baby and I was horrified by his pencil thin legs and eraser sized bottom (no it is not that bad but close). He lost weight so now he is in the four pound range. I find myself in tears because I just want him home with me and I don't want to miss any moments. At the same time I am afraid to have something so fragile under my care and discretion. I have weird dreams that I am still pregnant but the baby has stopped moving and I wake up confused and afraid. There is a girl in the ward with the same due date as me and I actually feel jealous that she is pregnant and I am not. I feel sort of ripped off from the normal experience I wanted but I feel guilty for feeling that way because he isn't dead. I want time alone with him without the "professionals" around. Mostly I wish I could do something to speed up time so he could be out of the hospital and be home with me. I'm not sure when it will be. He now eats about half his meal from a bottle and the rest from the nose tube. He needs to eat all his meals by bottle and be putting on weight before he comes home. They tell me it can happen very quickly. I hope it does. Andy was in the NICU for five days and we are now on day seven with this guy.
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7 comments:
It'll be okay. It is amazing how their weight fluctuates so much. Kudos to you for making all those trips. My mom had to put half of us in the hospital to be treated for jaundice and told us how hard it was to go back and forth so many times--each day hoping was the day she could take her baby home.
You're in my prayers!!!
Hang in there...
I am so sorry about all of this. I hope it passes soon and that he is home with you soon!
Oh, Melissa. I am so sorry. I know just how you feel. You are supposed to have your baby with you when they are brand new. I felt cheated out of those precious first days. I think I always will.
Splitting your time between kids at home and the hospital is so hard! Hang in there. He will learn to eat all his feedings and then he will come home. We pushed our boys too hard and it ended up extending their stay. You are in my thoughts and prayers, you can do this!
Of course you want him home! This is a hard time, but it will be over before you know it.
This is most definitely a difficult situation for all of you. I am praying that little Christian will meet his goals quickly so you can all be reunited in your home :)
This my first time on-line in about 5 days...I was so happy to see pictures of the new baby and glad to hear things are going okay. He'll be home and in your arms before you know it! Hang in there! Lots of love to you all!
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