Yikes! It Keeps Happening

Do you ever have a difficult situation that keeps repeating itself? I have one and I always handle it the same. I think it's the wrong way but I'm not sure what else to do. Maybe if I can finally handle it right, I'll stop having it happen.

Here is one example of the type of situation I'm talking about. Believe me, I have about one or two of these situations per year. There is a nine year old girl named Hailey who lives two houses down from us. When we first moved in, she came over every day after school to play with Nicky and Andy. Sometimes it was annoying to hear her pounding on the door every afternoon like clockwork, but eventually we all grew to expect her. I for one enjoyed that the kids had a diversion and someone to play with in our new neighborhood. We wondered why an older girl would want to play with a four and three year old, but eventually we stopped wondering and we just enjoyed seeing Hailey every day. She's a fun smiley girl.

December rolled around and I decided to invite Hailey and her mom to come with Nicky and I to the Nutcracker Ballet. I called and made the invitation to the mom. She said she'd check her calendar and get back to me. She never called back. Oh well, me thought. She must just not want to come. I felt the hurt feelings because it's always hard to extend myself to a new friend. I was disappointed she didn't call me back just to say no thanks. I didn't make it a big deal and Nicky and I went on our special date.

Right after my invitation, to my surprise, Hailey stopped coming over. She didn't phase herself out; she just stopped cold turkey. When she'd see my kids outside she wouldn't acknowledge them, she'd just look the other way and play with her same age friends. I wasn't sure how to answer Nicky's daily sad question. "When is Hailey coming over?"

I'm not sure why these types of situations bother me so much. Is it because I feel so deeply for people and friends? Is it because being ignored/rejected makes me believe I'm less of a person? Do I have bad self esteem? Maybe it is all of the above. I hate wondering if I did something to offend someone. Jeff told me I'd just feel stupid if it I did it, but I did the awkward thing anyway. In this case, I called the mom and pointed out that Hailey wasn't coming by anymore and asked if I'd done something to hurt Hailey's feelings. What could the mom say? Was she going to give the real answer on the spot to the new neighbor? Of course not. She said something about how it had been cold outside and Hailey had been spending more time watching TV inside with her cousins. I knew it wasn't true because I saw her outside all the time. (Not that I'm stalking a 9 year old as it sounds.) So I just end up feeling dumb for saying anything and I still don't know what happened. Laugh if you must now, it was dumb to call.

It's been some months and I've adjusted (Nicky adjusted quicker). But this situation is now repeating again in a different way. I know the wrong answer is to approach the person and ask why. It always feels awkward and it doesn't revert the situation to the former comfortable place. So is the right thing to gracefully stew in quiet? Maybe the right thing is not to assume I did something wrong or I am to blame. Maybe I should just let people go easier. I guess the only one I really get to keep in this life is the one I'm sealed to so I should just be happy with him. Others come and others go. Who knows but it really bothers me to be ignored, rejected, forgotten, or left out. Yucky. I need a tougher skin.