As a parent, I know there are a long line of uncomfortable talks that must be had with a child as they grow older. For Nicky, I know there will be the one where I'll reveal how babies actually get in their mommy's tummies. Eventually I'll have to whisper in her ear that it is time for a training bra or tampons. Luckily those blush inducing talks are years away. However, the need for the first uncomfortable talk made itself known while I was chatting with someone who's sister had been sexually abused as a child. I left the conversation feeling nervous for my beautiful little girl who must walk through a world inhabited by a fair number of perverts.
Later that evening, I felt the moment was right to teach Nicky about who can and can't have access to her private area. Here's how it went:
"So Nicky, it's ok for Mommy to wash you in your private area in the tub and to help wipe after you go to the bathroom. It is also ok for the doctor to check you if something is wrong. It is not ok for anyone else to touch your private area."
"But I can touch my private area right?"
"Ummm...I guess so...but just for washing. (I'd decided the conversation wasn't going to go in THAT direction. That's another conversation for another day.) Anyway, if anyone else tries to touch you there, you tell them no and you will then tell Mommy."
Unfortunately, I chose to have this conversation when Nicky was having her surge of separation anxiety. She looked panic stricken.
"But I won't be alone with anyone else but you!"
"Well, actually when you are bigger you may be at school or at your friend's house and then you could be alone with someone."
"No, I don't want to be alone. I just like you. I want you to be with me."
Hmm...that didn't go over too well. We ended the conversation by just changing the subject. I thought I'd try again later when she wasn't so paranoid about being without me. I left the conversation feeling sad that I have to teach my little bundle of innocence that there are people out there that might want to hurt her. That conversation will go down as one of my least favorite acts as a parent.
4 comments:
Ahh its so darling that nikki is so attached to her mommy. That's definitely a tough thing to have to talk to her about though!
Our awesome pediatrician in San Diego did that talk to Asha during her kindergarten check-up. He told Asha that it is OK for the doctor to check the privates only if the mom or dad is present in the room. I thought that was smart.
I'm with you. I am so paranoid about certain things and want to teach my kids what to do if any such situation should arise, however, it is so hard to talk about it...
Sounds like you did a great job! She'll get over the separation thing one of these days.
I need to talk to my kids. I've only gotten to the point of talking about strangers and bad people in general terms. Unfortunatly my kids aren't that scared because they are pretty confident in their ability to run, scream, and hit the bad people until they are dead. I'm not sure where their violent streaks come from. We don't even have regular tv.
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